From Coder to Mentor: Learning to Let Others Lead
Letting go of control isn’t something they teach you in a coding bootcamp. But it might be the most important leadership skill I’ve had to learn.
I used to believe that the best way to lead was to be the best engineer in the room. First to fix the bug. First to answer the question. First to see around corners.
That belief served me well—for a while. But it also kept me small. It made me indispensable for all the wrong reasons.
The first time I handed a key architectural decision over to someone else, I didn’t sleep well that night. I kept wondering if they would miss something. If they’d ask for help. If I should step in.
They didn’t miss anything.
What they did instead was rise to the moment. They took responsibility. They owned the outcome. And when we looked back, I saw something I hadn’t expected: they weren’t just capable—they were ready.
What Changed
That moment didn’t just change my team. It changed me.
As a mentor, your role isn’t to protect people from failure—it’s to create the conditions where they can try, adapt, and grow. That means letting go of ego. It means giving others room to make real decisions—not just follow guidance.
This shift is uncomfortable. Especially for those of us who’ve built careers on being technically reliable. But there’s a ceiling on teams led by someone who won’t let go. Trust is the lever that lifts that ceiling.
What I Try to Practice
Here’s what I’ve had to practice—imperfectly—on this journey:
Start small, but start.
Give away a real decision, not just a task.Coach in the aftermath, not the moment.
Let people own the outcome. Debrief afterward, not during.Resist the reflex to “fix it.”
If something isn’t done your way, but it works, leave it.Treat mentorship as a responsibility, not a luxury.
It’s not something you do when you have time. It is the work.
Letting others lead doesn’t mean lowering the bar. It means raising people to meet it.
Every team that scales sustainably has a leader willing to trust early, guide gently, and back away slowly. That’s mentorship. That’s growth. That’s leadership without a hero complex.
Let’s sit with that.
Looking to build a team that can scale without you being the bottleneck? We can help.
https://www.coexius.com/contact